2. (of a person) having given up all hope; despairing.
Number 2 sounds about like me, last year. I. WAS. BROKEN.
Sick kiddo
Pardon the grainy look of this quick snapped phone picture. This is my little boy. As it is with most parents, he is my world. I would do anything for him. I would take his pain. I would lay down my life if I had to, in order to save his. In this picture, he is cuddling with our Boston Terrier, because he was sick. This was much of what he did last year.
He's always been a sickly kiddo. So much so, that I actually lost a job when he was a baby because he was always sick and I was always off work taking care of him. After I lost that job, my husband and I split our work schedules to keep him out of daycare. Our hopes were that by kindergarten, he would be a little stronger and not be sick all the time.
We continued to have seasons of sickness before he started school. But he was mostly healthy. He still continued to have almost a constant runny nose and a little cough, and he was continually on Zyrtec for allergies. But he was otherwise ok... before school.
Then, kindergarten started. I was a hot mess of several emotions and tears. I told myself he was growing up and it was a great thing. By the end of the first week of kindergarten, he had been sent home sick. That's when the continual sickness began. We changed from a local family practitioner to a pediatrician in another town. That pediatrician referred us to different specialists: an ENT (ear, nose, and throat), an Allergist, and a Pediatric Pulmonologist. He missed A LOT of school. I missed A LOT of work.
He was diagnosed, numerous times, with bronchitis and sinusitis. Then he was diagnosed with asthma. And then he was diagnosed allergies. He kept running random fevers. He was diagnosed with GERD. I was beginning to think I needed to be diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
His monthly med list and different procedures and tests done. Pricing included.
I was desperate for answers. Every time we went to the doctor, I was hoping it would be the fix. Medications just kept being added to his list. And every time, I was assured we would find the right combination of meds that would work. They did tests. And took x-rays. And everything came back inconclusive. The doctors kept saying that everything looked normal with him as far as labs and tests, but they could obviously see that he was sick and they could see his symptoms. I was so frustrated. Most nights, after he was in bed. I would cry and pray and just feel defeated.... BROKEN. I would lose sleep as I laid there and listened to him toss and turn, moan, cough, and wheeze. I slept next to him often because I was terrified at times, that he might stop breathing or that his respiratory system would shut down.
Laying in a hospital bed after surgery.
Over the course of the year, with more and more medications being added, he started exhibiting behavioral symptoms. He couldn't think straight. He couldn't stay on task. He had angry outbursts and impulsive behavior. I talked to the pediatrician about it and he told me that often times that children with Asthma often have ADHD. I expressed my concerns that I thought it was all the medications he was on and that I didn't like the medications.
The doctor told me it was highly unlikely it was from the medications and I argued that a lot of the steroids and antihistamines he was on have side effects of: agitation, excitability, impulsivity, mood swings, altered thought process... all the things my little man was showing. He finally admitted that there was a possibility it was from the medications. But said there was no other way. And that it if the behaviors became to much, we could medicate him with ADHD medication.
I nearly hyperventilated before we got out of that office. I had a meltdown style tantrum that would put a toddler to shame. And I had no clue what I was going to do. I prayed so hard. On my knees. And I'm so glad that God can understand words when you can't speak. Because I was speaking in sobs and wails.
This process continued. I constantly prayed. And researched other ways. And nothing seemed to really work. I kept trying in spite of all the failures. I knew in my heart, God would help me find a way to really fix him. Until August.
School had started back. And he was sick. I had taken him to the doctor, again. His first day back after being sick, I cried all day. I told God that I just couldn't do it anymore. I told him to take it, because I couldn't. I told him to fix it or I was going to be locked away from craziness and despair. And when I went to pick him up that day, I was standing line, wallowing in grief and self pity and trying to keep to myself and not talk to anybody. I overheard a conversation from behind. It kept hearing words like, "immune juice," "helps with sickness," "stories about helping asthma." The ladies were kind of whispering and I had my head turned so it looked like I was looking at the grass. My neck was aching from how I was holding it so I could listen.
I sucked my grief inside and prayed silently, "please be the answer." I walked up and asked what the lady had been talking about. We exchanged phone numbers. This lady has became my friend. And she showed me an amazing total health system. I ordered this mysterious juice stuff. Two weeks later, my little man was getting better and I was weaning him off his meds. I was ecstatic!!
A portion of the meds he took before (top)
vs.
The juice and couple vitamins he takes now
From that point in August until now, he has done great. He has came off of all his meds. He no longer has behavioral problems either. I got my son back. Happy and healthy. We had parent-teacher conferences yesterday. The teacher said she has noticed a huge improvement in him this year. He is growing by leaps and bounds and staying on task. I got teary eyed while she praised him. I get teary eyed when I try to tell people. Who am I kidding? I'm teary eyed right now.
Happy, Healthy, and Funny kid!!!
Thank you God!
"You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever." Psalms 30:11-12
Thanks for reading! Have a lovely day friends!!
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